Love Cannot Bear

Went to the hospital to see A. again this evening. She's walking around with firmer steps and her face has still retained the natural unlined look of yesterday. She's aware that she's causing pain to others now, which is good news as it means she may have reached the bottom step and is looking back up the stairs if not the skylight. Two days ago I would have said she was ready to lie on the floor, face down and never look back up again. Spoke to her about time and need and stroked her shoulders. Her neck muscles are not hard as ice anymore. I promised to cook up some soup and bring some for lunch as she's not eating any of the food on offer. She needs to eat.

The others were upset as they missed smoking time. The ward is run pretty tight and they can only smoke at certain hours of the day. When the cigarettes failed to show at the appropriate time, even the Big Chief spoke up. A. tells me he hasn't said a word in five days. I don't know his name but he reminds me of the chief in Kesey's novel except for the black and swollen eye and cuts on his cheeks.

I talk to G. for awhile and she gives me the usual paranoia. I'm not sure how much to believe about her talk of judges and court orders and how the staff are plotting to keep her ignorant because she's studying law and could get them all fired.

V. is around and chatters on. She looks familiar but I can't place where I might have seen her before. Later I find that I did meet her years ago where she used to work.

Listen to Mrs. B. for awhile as it looks as if the staff are having a hard time with her son. He continues pacing while his mother assures me that he'll be fine if the staff will just verify the medication and maybe up it a little. The implications of her request trouble me.

Partly, they're just lonely. It is quite boring here.

Tonight's listening pleasure: Robert Fripp, Love Cannot Bear. Upon first listening, the first thing that came to mind is that his soundscapes have matured.