Sunday, February 20, 2005
Happy Again
And just as suddenly as it appeared, the sickness is gone and all is renewed and happy again.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Don't Mean a Thing
Violence begets violence.
And all the sorries in the world don't mean a thing when you're sobbing because the one you loved and protected you opened you to the world.
And all the sorries in the world don't mean a thing when you're sobbing because the one you loved and protected you opened you to the world.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Dream - 3
Fragment (as most of them are):
I am in a building waiting for a large elevator, looks like a freight elevator, along with two other people, male and female. The elevator opens and we get in. I press the RC button and thrown off-balanace when the elevator starts to move sideways. From then on the elevator moves up and down and sideways but always unpredictably and never for long in one direction. The couple seems not have any trouble, but I can not get retain my balance for long with all the changes in driection. I wake when the phone rings.
The interesting thing is that this building and elevator are familiar to me from other dreams. It seems to represent the work life, or business, or capitalism or perhaps my life. I'm not sure. Need to visit some Jungians.
I am in a building waiting for a large elevator, looks like a freight elevator, along with two other people, male and female. The elevator opens and we get in. I press the RC button and thrown off-balanace when the elevator starts to move sideways. From then on the elevator moves up and down and sideways but always unpredictably and never for long in one direction. The couple seems not have any trouble, but I can not get retain my balance for long with all the changes in driection. I wake when the phone rings.
The interesting thing is that this building and elevator are familiar to me from other dreams. It seems to represent the work life, or business, or capitalism or perhaps my life. I'm not sure. Need to visit some Jungians.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
The Mouths of Babes
"Is he a good guy or a bad guy," she asked.
He's both. He's good and bad because he's honest," he replied.
He's both. He's good and bad because he's honest," he replied.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
To Begin Again
Thinking about yesterday's post.
I hope to some day have the courage to inquire further into where I came from.
It would at the very least make for a good story.
At the very most, it would allow for a beginning to end and a new beginning to begin again.
I hope to some day have the courage to inquire further into where I came from.
It would at the very least make for a good story.
At the very most, it would allow for a beginning to end and a new beginning to begin again.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
On the Turning Away
My grandmother passed away a few weeks ago and I still feel nothing. It's not I like I didn't know her. Though she did live in another part of the world she had stayed with us for several months in the late 70's and I had visited her for a few weeks at a time since then. It's just that we never really grew close or indeed, knew each other at all. I always had the feeling that she saw too much of my father in me and instinctively turned away. I also felt that the sins of the grandparents were being visited upon the grandchildren. Her own relationship with her daughter (my mother) was strained though I have not had the courage to dig deeper. My feeling was that I was a secondary thought to her, much like I believe my mother felt growing up. I'm not sure what she felt for me exactly if anything at all so even though I am probably projecting, I don't wonder that I feel nothing. It's all very sad really.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Video Killed the Radio Star
Sick as the proverbial dog. I'm under the covers listening to the radio like I used to do when I was a wee lad.
Late nights listening to west coast baseball games, sports talk shows, and the occasional live concert. There was a station that played live shows once in awhile and I vividly remember listening to King Crimson's last date at the Spectrum in Montreal in 84 which just blew me away. Roger McGuinn on solo guitar was another that had me late for school in 79. Triumph's launch of an album I can't remember now, Men Without Hats, The Smiths...
Remember when we used to get excited about the next release from a musical group?
Late nights listening to west coast baseball games, sports talk shows, and the occasional live concert. There was a station that played live shows once in awhile and I vividly remember listening to King Crimson's last date at the Spectrum in Montreal in 84 which just blew me away. Roger McGuinn on solo guitar was another that had me late for school in 79. Triumph's launch of an album I can't remember now, Men Without Hats, The Smiths...
Remember when we used to get excited about the next release from a musical group?
Saturday, February 12, 2005
The Moderns
See, now I did it again. I read the newspaper this morning and can't get stuff out of my head. Just like the pharmacist tells you to take the anti-biotics for the full ten days it says on the bottle even if you are feeling better, I didn't take my own advice.
One of the perils of modern man/woman. Information overload creates paralyses. Discuss.
One of the perils of modern man/woman. Information overload creates paralyses. Discuss.
Friday, February 11, 2005
The Value of Sesame Street
It looks like the hitmaps link is broken because for the past month and a bit it continues to show the same number of visits. I haven't tried to repair it because the outfit that was providing the free service no longer provides a free service but is supposed to maintain the existing users.
Q: Why should I even care if anyone is reading this?
A: I shouldn't.
Q: How do I stop from caring?
A: Understand why I care.
Q: Why do I care?
A: Weird form of validation...narcissism...mistaken belief in the meaningfulness to someone other than me...pointed stick.
Q: Which of these things is not like the other?
A: OK, I get it now. I think.
Q: Why should I even care if anyone is reading this?
A: I shouldn't.
Q: How do I stop from caring?
A: Understand why I care.
Q: Why do I care?
A: Weird form of validation...narcissism...mistaken belief in the meaningfulness to someone other than me...pointed stick.
Q: Which of these things is not like the other?
A: OK, I get it now. I think.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
The Try
So it's been about a week now and I haven't read a newspaper. Not even glanced at it except to read the comics.
And guess what? I feel great!
I have enough stress at work and home without having to take on the additional pressure of bad news elsewhere. Does this mean I don't care about seismic issues or corruption in the corporate world or terrorism masquerading as religious will? Of course not. I care deeply. After all, I am part of humanity and what happens "out there" affects me as well. But it was starting to influence my behavior; actually, I was letting it influence me much too deeply. Now that I have backed off, I can attempt to learn to ingest stressful news without letting it affect or influence me.
The attempt is what matters ultimately. The try.
And guess what? I feel great!
I have enough stress at work and home without having to take on the additional pressure of bad news elsewhere. Does this mean I don't care about seismic issues or corruption in the corporate world or terrorism masquerading as religious will? Of course not. I care deeply. After all, I am part of humanity and what happens "out there" affects me as well. But it was starting to influence my behavior; actually, I was letting it influence me much too deeply. Now that I have backed off, I can attempt to learn to ingest stressful news without letting it affect or influence me.
The attempt is what matters ultimately. The try.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Dream - 2
Another fragment of a dream last night. Might be work-related...I'm not sure.
I was a demon-hunter. That is, I was hired by some shadowy person or thing to hunt demons in this world. Before I could do that though, I had to go through what seemed like endless interviews, examinations, discussions, talks, guidance counselors and personality tests.
The place where all this took place was cloaked in greys and browns, dim and hazy. Very difficult to see who had hired me or was asking questions.
As I went through these interminable steps I started wondering if the demon I was hunting was me. Then, just before I woke up, I had the intense feeling that these demons were a lot smarter than I had given them credit for and might have been before my eyes the whole time.
I was a demon-hunter. That is, I was hired by some shadowy person or thing to hunt demons in this world. Before I could do that though, I had to go through what seemed like endless interviews, examinations, discussions, talks, guidance counselors and personality tests.
The place where all this took place was cloaked in greys and browns, dim and hazy. Very difficult to see who had hired me or was asking questions.
As I went through these interminable steps I started wondering if the demon I was hunting was me. Then, just before I woke up, I had the intense feeling that these demons were a lot smarter than I had given them credit for and might have been before my eyes the whole time.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Footsteps
I have been reading Karen Armstrong's The Spiral Staircase this month and last and have enjoyed it immensely.
It is an autobiography of Ms. Armstrong's life as a Nun and after she left the convent. Her writing is elegant yet clear and precise and she doesn't shirk from personal responsibility.
Even though I am not familiar with catholic religious orders, I have a deep interest in spiritual callings and Armstrong clearly describes her life with this in mind. She shows us that some searches are universal no matter what name we give them. Highly recommended.
Some quotes:
"I needed to escape into other people's books and minds, because when left entirely to own devices, I found that I had nothing to say." Page 31. An experience that I fight every day.
"...the ability to experience pain and sorrow is the sine qua non of enlightenment..." Page 263. Add forgiveness to the equation and you have a key.
"We are...most fully ourselves when we give ourselves away, and it is egotism that holds us back from the transcendent experience that has been called God, Nirvana, Brahma or the Tao." Page 279. A paradox. And a concept that most of us are afraid to try.
And my favourite sentence:
"You have to be prepared to extend your compassionate interest when there is no hope of return." Page 299. This is an important point where most of us fall down. If we humans, followers of various gods and deities, would be able to follow these simple words, we would then surely follow in the footsteps of the great prophets and redeemers of history and myth.
It is an autobiography of Ms. Armstrong's life as a Nun and after she left the convent. Her writing is elegant yet clear and precise and she doesn't shirk from personal responsibility.
Even though I am not familiar with catholic religious orders, I have a deep interest in spiritual callings and Armstrong clearly describes her life with this in mind. She shows us that some searches are universal no matter what name we give them. Highly recommended.
Some quotes:
"I needed to escape into other people's books and minds, because when left entirely to own devices, I found that I had nothing to say." Page 31. An experience that I fight every day.
"...the ability to experience pain and sorrow is the sine qua non of enlightenment..." Page 263. Add forgiveness to the equation and you have a key.
"We are...most fully ourselves when we give ourselves away, and it is egotism that holds us back from the transcendent experience that has been called God, Nirvana, Brahma or the Tao." Page 279. A paradox. And a concept that most of us are afraid to try.
And my favourite sentence:
"You have to be prepared to extend your compassionate interest when there is no hope of return." Page 299. This is an important point where most of us fall down. If we humans, followers of various gods and deities, would be able to follow these simple words, we would then surely follow in the footsteps of the great prophets and redeemers of history and myth.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Fallen
Now you're probably saying shit, this blog's fallen to amateurish poetry in place of content. Well you're right. It's an attempt, much like the haiku earlier, to display another side of me in an attempt to get to the core. I make no apologies and you should ridicule me to your hearts content if you wish. This is also an attempt, for those who look closely, at self-effacement and misdirection. If they laugh and I laugh with them, maybe they'll forget I'm being heartfelt.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
one of those days
we have the shutters
closed tightly,
it’s one of those days.
no amount of light
must be let through.
the cat will be yelled at,
the bed will be left
unmade,
it’s one of those days.
we won’t speak to
each other much,
only in grunts and sighs,
it’s one of those days.
every blemish will be an
excuse for anger
and the cat will go
to its secret hiding place
for a few hours
but we will be left
to face each other,
it’s another one of those days.
closed tightly,
it’s one of those days.
no amount of light
must be let through.
the cat will be yelled at,
the bed will be left
unmade,
it’s one of those days.
we won’t speak to
each other much,
only in grunts and sighs,
it’s one of those days.
every blemish will be an
excuse for anger
and the cat will go
to its secret hiding place
for a few hours
but we will be left
to face each other,
it’s another one of those days.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
The Weight
Spirituality (mythos) is concerned with meaning.
Fact (logos) is concerned with functioning.
Both are needed in today's world where functioning has no meaning and thus atrocities, both little and large, are committed daily.
Fact (logos) is concerned with functioning.
Both are needed in today's world where functioning has no meaning and thus atrocities, both little and large, are committed daily.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Thursday, February 03, 2005
A Face From the Ancient Gallery
We are more than just one person. We contain multitudes and display the different faces depending on the situation.
The key is to get down to the essence, the core, the final one personality.
As scary as that might be.
The key is to get down to the essence, the core, the final one personality.
As scary as that might be.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
The Work Life
The work life.
Discuss, count to ten, discuss, count to ten, discuss, decide, justify, discuss, count to ten, clarify, discuss, count to ten, discuss, discuss, count to ten, discuss, decide, justify, count to ten, start over.
Discuss, count to ten, discuss, count to ten, discuss, decide, justify, discuss, count to ten, clarify, discuss, count to ten, discuss, discuss, count to ten, discuss, decide, justify, count to ten, start over.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Effort-less
Not much to say today. It was one of those days where you just can't get anything going. You then need to stop and think about why...but it's too much effort.
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