On the Turning Away

My grandmother passed away a few weeks ago and I still feel nothing. It's not I like I didn't know her. Though she did live in another part of the world she had stayed with us for several months in the late 70's and I had visited her for a few weeks at a time since then. It's just that we never really grew close or indeed, knew each other at all. I always had the feeling that she saw too much of my father in me and instinctively turned away. I also felt that the sins of the grandparents were being visited upon the grandchildren. Her own relationship with her daughter (my mother) was strained though I have not had the courage to dig deeper. My feeling was that I was a secondary thought to her, much like I believe my mother felt growing up. I'm not sure what she felt for me exactly if anything at all so even though I am probably projecting, I don't wonder that I feel nothing. It's all very sad really.